Pipe Dream
by Tenkasen
Summary: A vain string of hope that shouldn't even be there, if you looked at the odds of your survival. But you've got nothing to lose now, right?


**Title:** Pipe Dream**  
>Rating:<strong> T**  
><strong>**Summary:** A vain string of hope that shouldn't even be there, if you looked at the odds of your survival. But you've got nothing to lose now, right?  
><strong>AN: **For the sake of angst, and to work with second pov. Drabble-y.  
><strong>Notes: <strong>Spoliers everywhere**. **Second person point of view. Therefor, the word 'you' will pop up a ridiculous amount of times.**  
><strong>**Disclaimer: **Tales of the Abyss belongs to someone. Just not me.

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><p><strong>Pipe Dream<strong>

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><p>You smile. You frown. You bleed. You heal. You laugh. You cry. You breathe. You move. You help. You hurt. You love. You hate. You think. You <em>feel<em>.

Aren't those all attributes of humans?

You fall into all those categories — doesn't that make you human?

The answer should be yes.

But it's not, is it?

You weren't made by two people who loved each other and wanted you. You weren't ever in a mother's womb. Your mother isn't even your real mother — by blood perhaps, _Asch's_ blood, but not realistically. You never truly had a childhood — you were created at a physical age of ten, with the mental age of a newborn. You are not composed of the First through Six fonons — you are solely made up of Seventh fonons. You were caged in a home that was never really yours. You were meant to be a replacement and a sacrificial lamb.

You were just a copy.

You _are_ just a copy.

A _replica_.

Your entire life is a _lie._

That bothers you, doesn't it? That, all this time, you never could remember anything, could never remember Natalia's promise, was because you never knew them? Those memories belonged to the real Luke fon Fabre — Asch the Bloody. He hates you for stealing his life, as you know. Hates your existence. Hates everything about you. Or so he says. How come he hasn't killed you and reclaimed his name, then? It kind of confuses you, with how often he ends up saving you and everyone despite his claims to detest you to no end.

...Your friends?

Not all were Asch's friends. Through them, you became someone different. Made things only you have, didn't you? New memories. Precious memories. Ones that the real Luke fon Fabre have no claim over. Right? Right.

Natalia Luzu Kimlsca-Lanvaldear. Natalia, your supposed fiancé. Guess she's not anymore, huh? Or never was? It's getting hard to tell. You don't really have claim over much back at home, because it's not your home and it never was, but you never knew. How was everything supposed to work now, anyway? Asch made it clear he doesn't intend to return to his home — so what about the next head of house? Noble families are picky like that — they like having the eldest born, or their only child, take care of the family for the next generation and so forth. You're not a real member, but you've been with them for the past seven years. You do have their blood, replicated or not. Does that count?

Right, back to Natalia. You never really did love her that much, but you really tried to get back the memory of her promise, if only to make her happy and stop bugging you about it. Maybe to try and reclaim those feelings you thought you had with her. You might have had a little crush when you were younger, but it dulled over time into a _'I'll-put-up-with-you-so-you'll-stop-bugging-me'_ thing (because Natalia was exponentially annoying and you eventually learned about girls and their cooties), and then into a friendship of sorts.  
>Friendship that was dumped for Asch the moment the princess reunited with him. The <em>real<em> Luke fon Fabre. You two still get along, she still cares, you now actually care, but it's not the same. She cares for Asch's wellbeing the most, far more than she ever did for you before. She's swamped with pity towards him; alone for all these years, the one who really purposed to her, yet she's touched that he still held affection for her during the time he was away. Natalia always was a hopeless romantic. Would she sacrifice you for him, if she had to, for Asch?

_"Guy! You're Luke's attendant and his friend! The real Luke is right here!"_

Guy Cecil. Gailardia Galan. Whatever. Guy entered your house — Asch's house, right, right — to, in essence, kill you, originally your original. Hated you enough to kill you, your not-real-mother, your not-real-father, and possibly everyone who served the Fabre household. Got over it, but the hatred lingers ever so faintly at the back of his mind, so that the curse slot that had been placed on him could seize it and overwhelm him. The confrontation after your near-death stint by Guy's sword stung a bit. Guy shrugs it off, trying to play off the fact he hated you that much once as nothing. _Nothing._ Then again, it was, wasn't it? He never really hated you, per say...  
>But he did wait for you. He didn't return to the original — he went to selfish, stupid, arrogant, rotten replica you. And it meant the world to you, didn't it? He was willing to forgive your biggest mess up, willing to help you on the way to change.<p>

_"This may be the real Luke. But my friend is that idiot."_

Jade Curtis. Smart, cynical, sarcastic, and mysterious Jade. Always the tactical, military style thinker, never afraid to ask the cold questions, to state the harsh facts. Have you ever really gotten along well with him? It's nigh impossible to tell. He found your pleas after the fall of Akzeriuth idiotic, forcing a rare moment of emotion — unfortunately for you, _anger _— disgusted by your refusal to take responsibility.

But you've always looked up to Jade, as a would-be mentor that Mas—...Van used to be. He was a know-it-all, and as infuriating as it could be sometimes when used against you, it was comforting to have it on your side. To be able to look at him when everything was chaotic and in a mess, to know that he'd have answers, or at least a reasonable hypothesis, was assuring. And he forgave you too, right? Maybe not out loud, and certainly not right away, but once you proved how much you were willing to change and actually managed it, he was kind again. Started teasing and poking fun at you, which is more or less how you think Jade shows his care. He even admitted so, did he not?

_"But, well, since we've been traveling together, I've come to think that you're... not so bad."_

Anise Tatlin. Little Anise with temper and cunning to make up for her young age. Maybe not so young; she's actually older than you, when you think about it. And she's quite capable of participating in battle, so long as Tokunaga is with her. She creeped you out a little in the beginning, hiding behind that sugary sweet look, only to have a rather scary and dark thoughts. Wanted to marry you for nobility, and in essence, your gald. Normally, you would have taken offence, because you usually hate it when people _use_ you, but she was a kid, and it was kind of amusing to listen to her blatantly declare her so called love at you. Until Akzeriuth. Always leads back to that, your defining moment, huh?

You never realized how fond you were of her until she turned icy cold and hurtful with you. Unlike the others, who preferred giving you the cold shoulder or outright ignoring you, Anise took time to make certain you knew of how much she hated you. Or at least, how she found you useless, incompetent, stupid, reckless, arrogant, and many other of your less than pretty traits. But she was a kid, and kids say mean stuff all the time without realizing the extent of their words, right? Pft. No. Anise was smart, and she wanted to hurt you with words. That ancient Ispanic saying, _'Stick and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me'_, the one your— Asch's — mother always used to recite to you? _Lies._ Words have the capability to break something more important than bones. She more or less warmed back up to you around the same time the Colonel did, but her words still hung around in your memory. She truly forgave you around the time you comforted her after Ion died.

_"If you die, Luke, then the miasma may go away... But the people who know you will suffer just the same."_

Oh, Ion. Pure, innocent, kind Ion. Rather mature for a two year old, but you somehow got along with him so well, even before you found out he too was a replica, even before you changed after Akzeriuth. Made specifically to replace someone, just like you. Maybe that's why you connected with his so well, even if you didn't know. Ion wanted to hear you out after the fall of Akzeriuth, he knew there had to be more to the story than what the others were content to believe and blame on you. He always was that insightful, always willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Always understood you, often better than anyone else. But Anise lead him away, eventually leaving you with little Mieu, who probably didn't understand the severity of the situation, but tried to comfort it's 'Master' anyway. You kind of regret how you treated Mieu before, and that moment you yelled at it was no exception. But he was there, at least.

Ion cared enough for you, not Asch, that he gave up his life to read the Score for you. Gave you that one last clue. Didn't care if you were a replica or original. He just cared for you, because you... were you.

_"I know you don't depend on others... but this was the only way I could help you..."_

Loud, high-pitched, little Mieu. Shockingly, you discovered Mieu was male. Kind of freaky, but oh well. It was really annoying, the little thing, but to give it credit, it did tried to be helpful. It just wasn't very good at it. But hey, it's the thought that counts, right? Mieu lent you its support, and it was enough. Enough to prevent your fragile psyche from crashing and shattering into a million pieces. You're doing what you can to be nice to it now, even though every time Mieu opens his mouth your ears feel like they're bleeding.

_"A lot of my people died because of me. So... I can understand what you're feeling, Master."_

Tear Grants. Mystearica Fende, sister to your once teacher and father-figure, Vandescala. When you got warped all the way to Tattaroo Valley with her, all you could do was curse your luck — of the people you could be stuck with, it had to be some annoying, bossy girl who just happened to want to kill your beloved and highly respected teacher. All she did was scold you, tell you what to do, and how to do it her way. She was _the_ most aggravating person you had ever met. But one of the most important ones. Through her, you grew up. She promised, even though she had no reason to, to travel with and watch over you, to observe your will and attempts to change.

You stopped being everything you once were. You wanted to prove yourself, to earn back the companions and trust you had lost. Most of all, you wanted to prove to Tear that you _could_ — that you _would_ — change.

_"If you really mean that, then perhaps you can."_

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><p>You accepted all their jabs, all their teasing, and all their insults. You deserved them, right? The pain you got — all of it, you deserved to suffer for the destruction of Akzeriuth, and all those suffering people who, if not for Van and you with your easily manipulated mind, could have survived.<p>

Why can't you stop _thinking_ about that? Reliving the moment over and over until all that exists is Akzeriuth and reality becomes a horrible dream, and you feel yourself failing yet again. It brings you so much anguish, so much misery; it's nearly impossible to avoid a night filled with nightmares full of the miasma and rotting, sinking corpses that reach out and curse you for ever existing...

It's a moment you'd give almost anything to forget, to fix, to change. But you can't. Not ever, no matter how much you wish on a shooting Score fragment. To forget, to not think about, Akzeriuth, for even a day... It would be pure bliss. You wouldn't feel as guilty and depressed. But you would have been the same, selfish, rude Luke that would bend over backwards for his teacher's praise, and tactlessly brush off everyone else. Useless after its initial purpose had been concluded. And to forget all those people _(nameless people, with no faces to go with, so many adults and children you never even knew)_, to forget that they were the cost of your mistake... Do you even deserve such a thing?

Perhaps.

Perhaps not.

You smile. You frown. You bleed. You heal. You laugh. You cry. You breathe. You move. You help. You hurt. You love. You hate. You think. You _feel_.

You may not be a _real_ human in the most typical sense of the word. But you're cursed and blessed with everything that comes with being both. Emotions. The fonons that compose your body. All of it. Yours to bear. Not alone, really, there are thousands of other replicas, but none that know you, none that you know...

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><p>...It's time, isn't it? Soon, it'll be dawn. There's no turning back, and you know this. Eldrant will be your grave, be it for the original or the replica. Asch may live to see tomorrow, but you know you won't under any circumstances. When you release Lorelei, your already deteriorating body <em>won't be able to take it. <em>

Your fonons are separating, rapidly. Even if you _didn't_ have to use your power, you'd die soon anyway. Right after you'd gotten the will to live. Life's a bitch, isn't it?

But no matter. You were ready to die at the Tower of Rem. You know the steps to prepare your mind for the end. You can do it again. Don't expect any miracles; you don't want Asch to step in this time either. Who knows what could happen to him. You and Asch got lucky last time, and considering how horrible fate's been to you lately, it's probably not a good idea to test your luck.

The others...

Guy, Anise, Natalia, the ones that don't know. They'll... understand. You know they will.

...You _hope_ they will.

Jade, Tear, and Mieu... the ones that do know.

They _must_ understand. With the exception of Mieu's blabbermouth moment, they've all kept silent about your condition, played along with your story of being perfectly healthy. You just hope they will stick with it to the very end, and not hate you after it.

You have a part to play. You can't let your act fall apart now. Keep it together. You can do it.

It may be a lot like the last time, but you know the ending will be different.

_"I don't want to die. I don't want to die! I don't want to die! I... I want to stay here! Not for anybody else. I want to live!"_

You wanted to live, for yourself... no, _as_ yourself, for the first time. To let go of the grief that constrained you, or at least, move on. Never forgetting, but no longer allowing it to torment you night and day. To enjoy life as you, Luke. Just a regular teenger, skillful at using a sword in the Albert style. Not you, as the foolish replica.

Now you're giving up your woefully short existence for a sentient being you've met only once, for friends who've both crushed you and raised you, and a world that you once felt apart of, that is having difficulty accepting replicas like yourself.

Jade and Tear nurture small, embers of hope that you'll somehow make it. It'd be a lie to say that you didn't either. There's always a chance, anything can turn the wheel of destiny, and luck is whimsical and random in its appearances. But it's your turn to be realistic here. The chances are slim to none. No point in letting your dreaming get in the way, lest the disappointment and utter misery fall back on you.

But...

_"I will. I promise... I'll come home."_

It may hurt to harbor hope when you know the odds.

But you've nothing else to lose, right?

You have every right to hope, in vain, just like they do.

Replica or not.

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><p><strong><em>Fin.<em>**


End file.
